I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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