i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
