dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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