The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
