I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
