The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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