Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
