I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize