I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
