fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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