nut hugger
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
