M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize