Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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