True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
