i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
