I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
