i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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