i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
