there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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