I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We talked him into tasing himself.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
