Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
