tell your sister to shave her snatch
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
