Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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