Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
