i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
