Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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