Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
