Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
