it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
