I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
