I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh god it's open bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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