I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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