Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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