Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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