as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
