I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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