there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i came on her dog
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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