The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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