did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
