I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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