SEEEEXXX PLEASE
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
