Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
