Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
