There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
