I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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