we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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