Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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