my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
