Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
