If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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