please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
