the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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