So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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