Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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