I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
