dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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