Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
