we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
