wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Randomize
