Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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