Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can I color on your dick again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
