I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
