READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
