I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
