My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
