Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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