i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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