Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
