I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I understand Curling. That high.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
