apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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