Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
