wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
