Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
