their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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