The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
