Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
