How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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