hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
