meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
