he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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