Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
