I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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